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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24626965">You're Home.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_blue_wheelbarrow/pseuds/my_blue_wheelbarrow'>my_blue_wheelbarrow</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Avengers Tower, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Comfort, Feelings, Feels, Flashbacks, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Note writing, One Shot, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 11:15:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,750</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24626965</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_blue_wheelbarrow/pseuds/my_blue_wheelbarrow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky is recovering and he isn't good at talking to people. So, he and Steve write each other notes. They talk about Ben and Jerry's, Titanic and kisses.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You're Home.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Enjoy! ❁</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Before: </p>
<p>"Steve!" Bucky called, laughing so hard that the name wasn't even comprehensible but the small blond turned towards him anyway. </p>
<p>"What's up, Buck!" Steve called back, mirroring the big grin on the brunet's face. He pushed through the few people that were between them and one shoved at Steve but as expected, Bucky was at his side, steadying him while glaring at the man who had shoved his boyfriend. </p>
<p>"I think we should slowly leave. It's quite late," Bucky said, his hands finding their way to Steve's narrow waist and pulling the blond closer. </p>
<p>"Slowly? We could also run, baby," Steve said smartly with the fitting grin on his face. </p>
<p>Bucky chuckled as he imagined Steve panting after one minute of running. </p>
<p>"Ha ha. You wanna go home, Stevie?" Bucky asked softly, one hand going up against Steve's side until it stilled at his neck and his thumb caressed the soft skin there. </p>
<p>"But you're home, Buck. You're my home, I just wanna go wherever you go."</p>
<p>Even though Bucky was a bit more than tipsy and his body was full of hormones at the moment, he cleared at that. Steve hadn't drunk too much - Bucky had made sure of that - so he must have been serious. A look at Steve's honest eyes assured him. </p>
<p>Bucky replied, "I love you," but those three words couldn't express the feelings he felt for the man in front of him in the slightest. He tried to put them in the soft, gentle kiss he pressed to Steve's lips.</p>
<p>And Bucky felt perfect. Perfect in this dirty and wet alley behind the gay bar they had just spent hours dancing and drinking and amusing themselves in. Perfect with Steve's baby blues looking up at him, their bodies close and warm, both with big smiles on their lips. </p>
<p>He felt perfect. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>~</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now, so many years have passed and Bucky was finally back but he was broken and recovering. But Steve didn't care about that, didn't care that Bucky couldn't be in the same room with too many people or that on most days, he only saw him about one time when the brunet went to the kitchen to get some water when Steve was in the kitchen, too. <br/>
He didn't care that Bucky was having flashbacks almost every day and that he just wasn't ready yet, for a lot of things. All that didn't matter to Steve because he loved Bucky and has loved him since he met the brunet. So he wasn't going to stop fighting for Bucky, but he was going to give him all the time and space he needed to feel better. Even if it broke his heart from time to time. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve planned on going to the supermarket with Clint in the evening so he made a grocery list in the morning. <br/>
He sat in the living room, sketching an apple on his grocery list while trying to think of some more stuff he needed to buy. Suddenly, he remembered something from his childhood; a chicken soup that his mom used to make when they had the luxury of chicken. She used to make it when Steve was sick and he remembered on time that Bucky was over when they had it. Bucky had refused to eat the soup because he thought that Steve needed it more and when Sarah and Steve had finally convinced Bucky to eat half a bowl, it had gone cold. </p>
<p>Steve didn't even notice the way tears had welled up in his eyes as he thought of the past, back when he and Bucky were inseparable and everything was okay except for the economy and well, quite a lot of other things. </p>
<p>Willing the tears away and thinking of Bucky, Steve decided he'd have to ask the brunet if he needed anything from the supermarket. </p>
<p>Asking Bucky wasn't the easiest thing, though. The brunet spent most of his time in his room or somewhere outside, however, he didn't talk a lot, not even to Steve and it hurt but it also made each time that he did talk to Steve a very joyful day for the blond. </p>
<p>Steve hadn't seen or heard Bucky all morning and he didn't want to wake and scare him so he decided to write a note. He ripped a small part off his grocery list and wrote down: </p>
<p>
  <em>Hey, Buck. I'm going to the supermarket tonight so tell me if there's anything you need and I'll buy it for you! </em><br/>
<em>xx Steve </em>
</p>
<p>The blond hesitated at the end of his note. Nat had once explained to him what xs and os meant at the end of letters and he thought it was really cute. He felt himself starting to overthink over two crosses so he just got up from the couch, walked to Bucky's room, and slid it under the door. <br/>
Feeling weirdly nervous about the action, Steve put on sports clothing and went to the tower's gym to work out a bit and hopefully stop thinking about the ending of his note. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve spent the rest of his day with Natasha and Clint in the gym and only when it was time to go to the supermarket with his friend and fellow Avenger, he went up to his floor to take a shower and get ready. <br/>
On his way to his room, he noticed a small piece of paper in front of his door and for a moment he was confused before he remembered the note he'd written for Bucky. Steve's heart started beating faster as it did every time he interacted with Bucky in some way. </p>
<p>
  <em>Hey Steve, thanks for asking. I always wanted to try Ben and Jerry's ice cream. I always see their commercials on TV. It looks like a lot of sugar but I got really curious. If it's no bother, you could get me some. Thanks. </em>
</p>
<p>This time, no tears appeared in Steve's face but a big smile. <br/>
Tony had forced him to try almost every kind of Ben and Jerry's ice cream in one sitting and in the end, Steve almost got sick. But he couldn't deny that it was goddamn delicious - in moderation. </p>
<p>It made the blond incredibly happy to hear that 1) Bucky was watching TV and didn't seem to be doing nothing at all, and 2) that he got curious about something. Steve believed in Bucky more than he believed in himself or any of the Avengers and he was more than sure that Bucky was going to be better and recover. Hearing that the brunet wanted to try Ben and Jerry's gave Steve more than enough hope and certainty for a lifetime. </p>
<p>He was going to buy every kind of ice cream he could find. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>And he did. When he got back he wrote another note, excited already about the answer and not even thinking that maybe Bucky wouldn't even reply. </p>
<p>
  <em>Hey, Buck! I put the ice cream that you wanted in the freezer. Don't be surprised, I bought every kind that they had because I didn't know which one you wanted. Also, the Avengers are having a movie night tomorrow. They want to watch Titanic... I don't know it either so you wouldn't have to worry about Nat's teasing being directed at only you. So, if you want to come, that'd be great but don't feel pressured or anything! Have a good night, Buck.</em><br/>
<em>xx Steve </em>
</p>
<p>Steve checked both his and Bucky's door about every hour, waiting for a response and when three hours later there was no other note, Steve went on a run outside. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he was back inside, he wanted to walk straight to his bedroom, check if there was a note. But he couldn't go that far because Bucky was sitting on the couch in the living room, spooning a container of Ben and Jerry's. <br/>
Steve stopped in his tracks, staring at the brunet. </p>
<p>Bucky turned his head and looked at Steve who was still standing there dumbly. The brunet tilted his head slightly and a small smile appeared on his lips. </p>
<p>"Hey, Steve," he said quietly and softly, the way he spoke all the time now. </p>
<p>The blond man snapped out of it, smiled back, and slowly walked towards Bucky on the couch. </p>
<p>Bucky kept eating spoonfuls of the ice cream - chocolate fudge brownie - Steve noticed while he sat down next to Bucky but still enough space that they weren't touching. One time, when Steve had just convinced Bucky to live with him in the tower, he had patted him on the back in a friendly manner but Bucky had had a flashback and wouldn't come out of his room for days. Steve had cried for half a day and he had needed Natasha to calm him down and make him remember that it wasn't his fault that Bucky was in such a state. <br/>
It had taken a long time for Steve to accept the fact that Bucky had been terribly abused and needed time to recover. </p>
<p>"How are you?" Steve asked gently, taking the time to look at Bucky whom he saw so rarely. </p>
<p>He looked good. His face didn't look sunken in anymore but rather lively and healthy; he seemed to be freshly shaved. He also seemed to have washed his hair recently because it looked fluffy and soft. His jawline was still sharp as a knife and there was still the little dip in his chin and Steve didn't know if he had expected Bucky's bone structure to have changed over the years, but here he was. Here he was, marveling over the beauty of his best friend like he had the first time he met him. Steve remembered the instant jealousy that had crept up inside of him when he saw Bucky's beautiful face and the even greater jealousy of all the girls that Bucky would take dancing when Steve was the one who wanted to dance with Bucky the most. </p>
<p>"I'm fine, Stevie. Go take a shower, you stink," Bucky responded, the small smile still on his lips. </p>
<p>It took Steve everything to not start laughing of joy because Bucky was teasing him and Bucky actually seemed to be doing fine. Steve knew that he was acting as if Bucky was a child that had never spoken a word and was now saying his name for the first time but for a too long period of his life he had thought that he'd lost his lover and best friend and for another too long period he had thought that Bucky would never be himself again. <br/>
So, for Steve, the small victories counted and they counted for everything. </p>
<p>Even though Bucky was the one who had told Steve to go, the brunet got up from the couch and his smile turned a tad sad. Steve understood that it was still hard for Bucky to interact for a longer time with someone or to have a long conversation. The blond stayed on the couch. </p>
<p>"Oh, here." </p>
<p>Bucky held out a folded piece of paper and when Steve took it, the other man gave a small wave before he turned around and went to his room. </p>
<p>Still on the couch, Steve unfolded the paper. </p>
<p>
  <em>Hey, Steve. Hate to tell ya, buddy, but even I have watched Titanic. It's a masterpiece and so is Leonardo Di Caprio. However, I won't watch it with you... Last time I was in the same room with more than two people... Well, I'm not going to elaborate but you catch the drift. Thanks for the invite though. Maybe I'll watch Titanic in my room. Tell me what you thought of it tomorrow. Bucky.</em>
</p>
<p>Steve had another note ready in about a minute. </p>
<p>
  <em>Hey, Buck. We could watch it together if you want? Just the two of us?</em>
</p>
<p>The blond knew that it was a bold proposition but Bucky seemed to be in such a good mood. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>No, Steve. Thank you but I want you to have fun with your friends. What if I have a flashback <strike>when Jack dies?</strike> when the ship sinks?</em>
</p>
<p>Steve assumed that a person named Jack would die in the movie and that was probably something that Tony called "spoiler". He didn't care that much about it and he noticed that he wasn't even too sad about Bucky declining. Steve knew that Bucky was doing better and he didn't want to pressure him too much into socializing. Steve let him know that with his reply. </p>
<p>
  <em>That's okay, Buck. If you want to watch anything anytime, just pass me a note. xx Steve</em>
</p>
<p>He slid that note under the door before he went to the community floor for movie night. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve had really liked Titanic and also Jack, what a treasure he was. In the end, every Avengers except for Bruce and Natasha was crying and Steve hoped to God that Bucky wasn't doing this to himself, alone in his room.</p>
<p>Thinking of Bucky, Steve grabbed a notepad and a pen and flopped down on his bed as soon as he had returned from movie night and there was no new note from Bucky. </p>
<p>He wrote a review. </p>
<p>
  <em>The movie Titanic from the year 1997 is - in the words of James Barnes, and I would like to quote - a masterpiece. It has a runtime of 194 minutes which is more than three hours but all these minutes are definitely worth it. Titanic, named after the ship that the movie is based on, is about a romance between first-class-passenger Rose and the poor man Jack in the year 1912. Through a suicide attempt, Jack and Rose meet and, in my humble opinion, there's a huge spark immediately between the two of them. They first develop a friendship and finally a secret and exciting romantic relationship. Everything is well until the ship rams an iceberg. The ship fills with water and starts sinking and the tragedy begins. </em><br/>
<em>Titanic is a very emotional, dramatic, and romantic movie. Leonardo Di Caprio and Kate Winslet play the main roles - Jack and Rose - and their acting abilities are brilliant. They make this incredible love story seem real and I am not afraid to admit that I cried at the tragic ending. Personally, my favorite scene was when Jack draws Rose with only the Heart of the Ocean around her neck. I also find Jack's artistic abilities astounding. </em><br/>
<em>In conclusion, I need to say that I feel like a better and more whole person now that I've watched the movie and I hope that one day every person on earth will have seen it. </em><br/>
<em>xx Steve</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>On the next morning, there was an answer. </p>
<p>
  <em>Oh my god, Steve. I can't believe you did that. I'm really glad you liked the movie but who doesn't? And I loved how you even figured out that 194 minutes is more than three hours - that's big maths, Steve! My favorite scene is probably the one where they're dancing. They seem so happy and it kind of makes me remember. Anyway, what the hell does "xx" mean?? </em>
</p>
<p>Steve had many thoughts when he read that note. First, he wondered what Bucky remembered. Before the war, they loved to go dancing, Bucky with all the prettiest dames and when they were in public, Steve kept to watching. But in their shared home, they often danced together, slowly and sensually and then fast and funny. <br/>
Steve was also thinking about the xx and how he should explain it. It was really just something that he thought was cute and quirky which he didn't put much more thought into. <br/>
But now Bucky had asked him and he had to explain it. He grabbed a sheet of paper and began a very uncomfortable note. </p>
<p>
  <em>Hey, Buck. Thanks for appreciating my mathematics. Um, "xx" stands for kisses? Like x is a kiss and o is a hug so sometimes you put xoxo at the end of a message, you know, like a greeting? I learned it from Natasha and I thought it was cute... I'll stop putting it though if it makes you uncomfortable or anything! I'm sorry!!</em>
</p>
<p>Steve contemplated throwing that note away and just ignoring the question but he would have felt bad about that. Still, it felt very weird and even his handwriting looked shaky and quite frankly, terrible. </p>
<p>After some more minutes of doubting himself, he just slid the note under the door and then took a nap to turn off his brain for at least a bit. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Oh, Rogers. Back then your slobbery tongue down my throat didn't make me uncomfortable, so don't think that any digital kisses or whatever would achieve that now. xx Bucky.</em>
</p>
<p>Steve's mouth was a perfect "o" for at least ten minutes. During these ten minutes, his brain didn't work at all. </p>
<p>Only after these ten minutes, Steve let himself think about Bucky's note. </p>
<p>He had always wanted and partially needed to know how much or if Bucky remembered the time before the war. When Steve had known that Bucky remembered at least him, he had inevitably thought of them as best friends and of course, them as lovers. Did Bucky remember their first time and all the times after that? All the things they tried out and all the highs they experienced together, physically? <br/>
Steve knew he couldn't just go and ask Bucky but the need to know was killing him. </p>
<p>But Bucky couldn't just go and write something like that on a piece of paper and put it on the floor in front of Steve's bedroom door! </p>
<p>Steve, with the note still in his hand, walked straight to Bucky's room and opened the door without any premonition. He wanted to yell, 'You remember?!' but he heard the shower running and that made his mind clear. <br/>
He turned around and closed the door silently, cursing himself for being so inconsiderate. </p>
<p>He still felt the shock gnawing at him intensely but what if Bucky just hadn't been in the shower but in his bed, sleeping when Steve barged in? God, Steve didn't even want to think about the consequences. <br/>
Instead, he wrote his question on a notepad. </p>
<p>
  <em>You remember? </em>
</p>
<p>This time he only put it in front of the door and didn't slide it through. </p>
<p>A few minutes later, there was already an answer and the first time Bucky slid his note under the door. </p>
<p>
  <em>Yeah, Stevie, I remember </em>
</p>
<p>Steve didn't feel the relief he perhaps expected to feel. Instead, he felt dread coming over him. What if Bucky thought it was disgusting what they had done, what they had been back then? What if he didn't love Steve anymore? What if he wanted to leave now? </p>
<p>Steve wrote down a quick and messy <em>That's great</em>. </p>
<p>There was no note back. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>With or without the super-serum, Steve was a very light sleeper and after so many years of living, he still hasn't decided whether that was a good or a bad thing.<br/>
However, he woke up because of the smallest noise but when he woke up that night, it was because of a rather loud one. </p>
<p>He woke up as soon as there was pressure being on the wooden floor of his bedroom. Steve's eyes snapped open and his heart made an excited jump as he saw the black silhouette in front of him when his brain started working. </p>
<p>"Bucky? Are you okay? What's wrong?" Steve sat up and almost got out of bed, too, to help Bucky in whatever way he could. </p>
<p>"Can I sleep here?" the brunet asked and as Steve's eyes adjusted more quickly to the dark as normal human ones, he noticed that Bucky didn't disheveled or worried or sweaty like he did when he had night terrors or a flashback. </p>
<p>Steve wanted to ask why but he crossed that option out as soon as it came to his mind. Instead, he skidded over on his bed and so made room for the other super soldier to lie down. Bucky did that, pulling the second blanket on Steve's bed over him and then he turned into his side, facing Steve. </p>
<p>The blond didn't know know what to do but as he looked at Bucky, the brunet had his eyes closed so Steve did the same while his heart threatened to jump out his chest.<br/>
They lay still like that for what could have been a few minutes or two hours, in Steve's opinion. Steve concentrated his whole on Bucky's breathing which was calm but not steady like it would've been with a sleeping person. Unconsciously, Steve breathed the same way. </p>
<p>Then Bucky shifted and suddenly there was something warm touching Steve's hand. He didn't have time to wonder about it as there were fingers lacing with his and then Steve was holding Bucky's hand under the cover, and the blond wasn't sure if his heart had reached a pace that his body couldn't keep up with or if it had just stopped beating altogether. </p>
<p>Bucky's breathing wasn't calm anymore, it was shaky and Steve could even feel the man's hand shaking slightly. He wanted to tell Bucky that it was okay what was happening and that Steve was cherishing it, but he knew that his voice would at least break, maybe not even work if he'd try to say anything. </p>
<p>He squeezed Bucky's hand lightly, a reassuring and gentle touch. The other man didn't move, didn't pull his hand back. </p>
<p>"Steve?" Bucky whispered into the dark after some more quiet moments. </p>
<p>"Yeah?" Steve whispered back. </p>
<p>"You're home." </p>
<p>Steve didn't reply, couldn't have possibly replied at that moment. <br/>
He took a deep breath and as he was exhaling, a tear rolled down his cheek. That tear conveyed all the times he had wanted to cry and scream and destroy, all the grief and anger and frustration that has built inside of him over the years. All the years he had believed Bucky was dead and the worse times when he found out what had happened to his best friend and his love. </p>
<p>As that single, meaningful tear rolled down his cheek, Steve let go of all the demons that had silently inhabited his mind for all this time. For the first time since Bucky and him had been together happily, Steve could feel the exact same, pure feelings he had once felt at night at a secret gay bar. </p>
<p>He felt his heart calming and easier, lighter, finally.</p>
<p>And finally Steve knew, he'd found home again. </p>
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